Worried About Someone?

If you’ve noticed worrying changes in a colleague, friend or loved-one, don't wait for them to "reach out".

When we're sad, distracted, overwhelmed etc, reaching out is the hardest thing.

So make the first move.

Reach IN.

Say something.

As humans, when we're struggling, we need to know:

someone has noticed our pain
someone cares and is willing to help
we are not alone

So you could make a good start by letting the person know these things.

Take the pressure off yourself

Understand that while you CAN’T fix their problems, you CAN:

help by listening
make a difference
potentially save their life

And if you don't know what to say, how about:

"I don't know what to say right now. But I'm glad you're alive. And I want to help."

Learn basic life-saving tools

Here are some practical ways you can START to help a person who might be thinking of suicide.

Spot the possible signs

Most people thinking of suicide do let others know that they’re struggling – consciously or not. There are almost always signs – often very subtle, even barely perceptible. And tragically, too often we can only see these signs after a suicide. Suicide prevention training helps increase our awareness and 'turn up our radar' of things we can be looking and listening out for.

Trust your gut

We need to become more aware of our instincts - and with awareness comes choice. We can learn to choose to respond to what we have seen, heard and felt, rather than (out of consciousness) disregarding our own discomfort - and thereby ignoring their pain. Trust your gut, and learn to start the conversation.

Ask about suicide thoughts

The only way to know if someone is thinking about suicide (and the safest step to take) is to ask them directly. Something like: "Are you thinking of suicide?" You might have fears around asking this question - very common and understandable. What if they say yes? What if I offend them? What if I put the idea in their head? (This last one is a big myth!) This is one area where training like this can really help. For now, please know this: asking someone if they are thinking about suicide will say: I care. I see your pain (and I'm not afraid to name it). It's safe to talk about suicide with me.

Really listen

Actively listening is the most helpful thing we can do immediately after asking about suicide - and at many other times in life too. Really listening involves: accepting what you hear, minimal questions, gentle reflections, honesty, vulnerability, sitting with our own discomfort, seeking to understand, staying 'here and now'. We don't need to be a counsellor to listen, but we do need to be patient and (importantly) resist the urge to fix or offer solutions.

Tell someone together

Sometimes a person is resistant to talking to others about their thoughts of suicide. They might ask you to keep things confidential. But (and this is important) you must NEVER be the only person who knows that someone is thinking about suicide. That isn’t fair or safe for them – or for you. Any conversation about suicide will ultimately need to involve other people: ideally at least two others, and a mix of formal and informal resources. Click here for resources in all key areas. Learn to 'signpost' actively, meaningfully, sustainably. This will involve making phonecalls together.

Final thoughts

This is just the START.

Listed above are just FIVE basic tools for a conversation about suicide - and there is LOTS more to understand about each one: nuances, fears, myths...

When you have time, consider learning more.

Anyone can learn to talk about suicide - and we can't leave these conversations to the 'professionals'. It is up to us all, as parents, friends, colleagues, as HUMANS, to learn these life-saving tools.

A good place to start is Talking about Suicide: 10 Tools (TAS10)

We run regular open sessions online, or you can book a session for your team.

For more in-depth training, the best training available is the two-day ASIST workshop: Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training. Find a date on my training calendar or contact me if you're interested.

If someone is in immediate danger

Keep yourself safe
Do not leave them on their own – stay, or find someone to be with them
Dial 999 and ask for an ambulance, or take them to A&E at their local hospital

Take care of yourself too.

Supporting someone in distress can be distressing in itself. After you’ve supported someone, find a friend or a confidential service who you can talk through your experience with, and discuss what you need now

Remember this

YOU CAN help by listening
YOU CAN make a difference
YOU CAN potentially save their life

And if you want to learn more, join our next TAS10 session.